nagdurusang kaluluwa

hey everyone. as you can see from the title, im a wreck right now. agh. anyway.

here's the pic of yaps and johann from last monday's concert. lol, fun.



whoo. anyway, today was filled with lots of activities. we had a quiz in ap, in fil, and another double period chem session. whee. luckily, they gave us free time during music. yehey. we were able to review our fil and ap notes and were able to share some stories during music time. i even left my flute there for the first time..EVER. lol. im weird. haay. anyway, after computer, we had a weird algebra session. lcle of course, so we had to answer another worksheet and then go to the comlab to go and answer a website quiz. T_T. as i said, we had an ap quiz which was a bit difficult. but it was ok in the end. oh, and someone's phone received a message in this period. lol, fun. in english time, i, along with bea japan, got picked on the HOT SEAT. T_T. embarassing for me of course, as they asked so many questions about my "private" life. haha. oh well, it was all fun anyway, no harm done i guess. lunch time was spent reviewing for fil and going to the chapel to pray. then we had a fil quiz and our long test results were released. i got 41/50. i guess thats ok, its an average in class anyway, haha. finally, we had double period chem. we just discussed about limiting reactants and percent yield and the like, along with some adlib stories along the way. hehe. basically that was school, nothing too special.

sigh. this is sad. why is it that i'm always like this? i just hate myself so much for everything i do in my life. it's so wrong. gah. when will i start to have some confidence in my life? when will i face life's realities? why can't i do it now? T_T. i've sworn to myself that i'd change this year, but no, it hasn't happened. i'm just too weak. i hate this. i pray to god everyday that hopefully, i can have a better relationship with this person, and that i'd have the strength to be normal. but no, it just hasn't reflected in my actions. my brain always stops me. i just wish my brain would act like it does in academics when i'm in the real world. what am i supposed to do now? it's been so long, and i'm still the same guy. there's a voice inside my head which wants to kill me for i have done nothing. now im too ashamed to even do anything anymore. i fear that she hates me. everything seems so vaugue (spl sorry). i feel like a lower form of being when around her. it's these times when i usually try to sleep it off and forget it. but i can't now. so much for my new year's resolution. how pathetic. im a sad, sad, pathetic man. hopeless.